New Year, New You

I joined a new 8-week workout program by that name, but this nasty cold-flu-whatever I have caught has put a damper in that part of my New Years Resolution.

So a couple weeks later (and about 6 months since my last post), here I am writing what has to happen this year. While dropping a few pounds I’ve packed on in the past couple years would be nice, I really need to focus on getting myself out of this hole that I’ve been in since this blog started.

My goal: apply for a new program to go back to school by the year’s end.

I’ve sat on this way too long. I’m not sure why, partially because I couldn’t commit to something, partially because something would come across ever so often that would lift my hopes that I wouldn’t have to go back to school, I don’t really know. All I do know is that I’m seeing everyone else’s lives heading to bigger horizons more than ever, and here I am still just stuck.

Sure, I’m better off than I was when this blog started. In the past year, I did finally get a full-time job. I have benefits, which have allowed me stay at home and heal from this third bout of sickness I have gotten since September (really getting tired of being sick). Sure, I’m making enough money to get by, even if I’m making myself more exhausted by working a 3rd job to try to get rid of my student loans a little faster. But I don’t want to just be ‘getting by.’

It’s only partially about the money when I say that. It’s more about doing something productive and meaningful with my life and feeling important. I knew when I took on the current position that I have, that I was passing up a field with the insurance company that would allow for promotions, because ultimately I didn’t want to spend my life working there. I guess I hoped that at least with the crisis agency that I would be satisfied with the job I have now for the meantime, knowing that it was just a stagnant position. Honestly, I’m mostly just bored and stuck there, which is absolutely frustrating.

I’ve decided that in order to finally get myself unstuck, I have to get another degree. I need to find a program that will have job/internship experience as part of their curriculum, so I can obtain work experience for when I get back out in the job market. And dammit, whatever program I go into has to have an outstanding history of alums finding employment afterward, because I’m sure as hell not investing time or money in something that will end me up in this same spot when it’s over.

So for whatever reasons that have held me back from making this step, whether it be uncertainty of what field to go into or hopes that something would work out with what I’ve got, well no more. I’ve sat around feeling like shit long enough, and something will get done this year to move myself out of this. I’m tired of the rest of my life being on hold until I get this figured out. So no more excuses. Not this time.